She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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