apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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