im gay
i know
yea but for you.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
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The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
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I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
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