you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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