I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
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I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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