How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize