i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I did not marry a roomba.
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