so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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