Heybabeimwearingurpanties
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize