i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
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I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
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I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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