The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I supernannyed him into submission
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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