Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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