I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize