last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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