John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize