So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
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The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
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i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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