I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize