think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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