I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
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I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
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Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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