the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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