So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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