I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize