I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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