Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
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