so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
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I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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