I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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