Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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