i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize