I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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