He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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