I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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