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Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
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