I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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