It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
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Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
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Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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