Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize