whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
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Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
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I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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