you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
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