the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
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Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
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We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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