just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You brought string cheese to the strip club
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize