maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize