Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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