i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
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