she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
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He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
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My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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