We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
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Operation Purity has been aborted
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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