I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
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He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
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I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
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