I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
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I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
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I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize