she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
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First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
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You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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