I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
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He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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