I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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