I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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